Atoms Bombs Week 5

Posted: October 5, 2012 in Fantasy Football, humor, sports
Tags: , ,

INCONCEIVABLE!!!   We have no undefeated teams left in our league. And it’s only week 5. Thursday Night football with the Cardinals vs the Rams!!! Jeebus, has there ever been a game on a marquee night with fewer fantasy implications?! I mean Fitz- yes; Cards D- yes; Steven Jackson is a GTD; Amendoula maybe only hiccup may be because of the D and byes but that’s pretty much it right? Ugh. Oh well, it’s still football!

So I learned today that this year is the 25th Anniversary for one of my favorite movies evah. The Princess Bride. Classic movie and if you haven’t seen it, you are either blind, or allergic to good movies. One of those that no matter when it is on I will watch it. Ridiculously quotable too. And really, any movie with Andre the Giant and Fred Savage has to be great right?! So I thought, what better way to reminisce about the movie than to relate each team to a character? Notice I am taking the high road here and not naming anyone Buttercup. But if someone were to acquire that nickname… just sayin’. And remember “… If you haven’t got your health, then you haven’t got anything”.

LOD vs SPV– The Battle for Acronym supremacy! LOD’s Princess Bride character is… Fezzik!     Too easy? Yeah, maybe I know. But still it works effers. Garwood comes into this week making a record 2nd trade of the year! Garwood should really only need about ½ his team to show up for a win here though. Some good matchups here too Foster, Bears D, Gronk with Hernandez still out…

SPV’s Princess Bride character is… The Grandson.  Incidentally, I love this screen shot because I think this is what Garwood did to Jimmy after his week 1 upset win. Believe it or not Fred Savage’s character wasn’t even credited with a name. I do not like Britt at all, he may not even play this week. Also still down on Reggie Bush, and Maclin, hell who knows if he shows up this week. I’m not gonna pile on the kid here, take LOD but I can’t bring myself to the cop out of the LOTW…

Blitzers vs Phinest– Blitzers character is… Inigo Montoya.  I was gonna go with Westley here- the title character, since both rock the stache, but let’s face it—- he got the girl in the end and Inigo (Chalk) surrounded himself with a big, burly man (Garwood) throughout the film (life). At the end of the season he may be saying “Hello, my name is The Blitzers, (insert team name here) killed my playoff shot, prepare to die”. Blitzers have Wallace who is rested and should get close to the 12.64 that he is expected. Not big on Gore or Spiller this week. But Brady and Fitz should do very well.

Phinest gets… Westley.  This one is not based on looks- although you are a damn fine looking man Andrew- but more for the persistence that you both show. Have to give it to Andrew, year in and out he adjusts his team and is seemingly on the cusp of a title. Much like throughout the movie Westley never gives in and is rewarded in the end. Not much to dislike on Andrew’s side as Jackson is really the only one that gets a really tough defense. I don’t think this one is very close, the Blitzers burned me twice in the past 2 weeks as the Upset Special. So this week his opponent the Phinest are the LOTW!

Sapornos vs Dillos– Pornos are… Miracle Max!  Not so much for appearance here, it was tough to find an Italian looking character that simply gave up on life, but for the sheer fact that it took a miracle for him to win his title! Will Tony win it all this year? To quote  Max himself- “It’ll take a miracle”. I know Ryan Williams has a good matchup, still don’t expect big things from him yet. The Chargers D hasn’t been that bad vs the QB at 15.60 ppg, so I expect Brees to fall a bit short of projections. Maybe in that 17-18 point range.

Dillos are… The Impressive Clergyman!  One of the best characters in the movie despite only being in it for a scene it is one of the most memorable:  Tom is like that in our league- not the loudest, or most vociferous when it comes to posting (I’ll wait for you to look it up…) Tom makes it count when he does. McCoy has been good, but not great so far this year as he is currently #15 in ppg for RB’s. And now he gets a well rested Stillers D the #10 defense against RB’s at home. Kinda like Demaryius here. OK, Upset Special time!!! Pick Dillos! “Have fun storming the Castle!”

Warriors vs Cowboys– Star Warriors are the reigning champs, and as such royalty is…  Prince Humperdink! Oooohhhh the bad guy character, but that is what happens after winning so much. Sorry. Matty Ice has been on Fire! See what I did there… Ice, and Fire… I like most of the projections for Dave.

Cowboys are… The Grandfather!  yes, Peter Falk’s character and no, not for age, moreso because The Grandfather is also the Narrator of the movie and the one that keeps everything going. Much as Nick does here. Think about it, anytime you think the league is too quiet, or not enough going on, BOOM Nick jumpstarts it right back up, just like a good key figure does. Matthews is listed as the #2 RB for the Chargers, it will be interesting to see how much work he gets. I think 9-10 pts here. Bad news for DeSean is that Polomalu looks like a go. Double LOTW since I picked Dave to win last week… Warriors!!!

Atoms vs Topes– The Atoms are… Vezzini!  Probably going to outsmart myself with the preseason trade, and if that happens, my title chances will suffer the same fate as Vezzini. Plus you have the whole follicly challenged aspect too. Amendoula does get a tough matchup, however another Caucasian WR did pretty well against the Cards D last week… Seriously; Decker, Amendoula, Hartline… all I need now is for Joe Jurevicious to unretire! Not sure yet if I will start Johnson in the flex or the aforementioned Hartline. Vikings run D is pretty solid. I expect Rudolph to bounce back after last week.

The Topes have the honor of being… Count Rugan!  Another great character, he is the unquestioned military presence in the movie. As Bob is in our league. Plus he has 6 fingers on his right hand. Nice job by the Topes getting Daniels in the lineup, another good matchup here. Fully expect Forte to do very well, it will be an interesting matchup for Charles. WR obviously is tough here, another week of will he won’t he with Jennings. Reduces the Topes to Nate Washington. As always… Pick topes!

And finally, no post on The Princess Bride would be complete without the following exchange:

Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss… I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He’s really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?

Good luck gang!

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